Thursday, September 11, 2008

Laugh and the world laughs with you.

I went to my second dance class tonight. It was a lesson in humiliation.

The teacher was really late because she forgot what time it started. So the dance studio owner suggested we should warm up with the girls who had their jazz class starting. On the surface, that sounded like a good idea. I like stretching and warming up with my teacher. We roll our necks, stretch our muscles, and gently try to fold ourselves in half. This was not my experience tonight.

First, you have to factor in the fact that I am a chubby mom in her 30's, and the girls in the class are teens and skinny. Worse, I know several of them. Sorry girls. Then you have to know how they warm up. They are contortionists. And they are cruel. First we did crunches. I can handle crunches,but after the first set they had us put our legs up in the air for the second set of crunches. Okay... I did it, but felt awkward. Then they told us to do airsplits while crunching. Their legs made nearly straight lines. Mine made a narrow "V". Be glad you didn't have to see it.

Next up were lunges. Okay... here we go. I bent one knee and stretched out over it with my other leg straight behind me. Survived that maneuver. Then they told us to stick our rears up in the air and bend over with legs straight in a scissor pose. Cruel, cruel, cruel girls. Try not to picture it; it wasn't pretty.

Then... oh my... then... well she told us to do the splits. I haven't done the splits in 30 years. She said if we can't do that, then just do a pseudo split. She didn't leave any other options for those who can't do pseudo splits. You can't even fake it in a situation like this. I just sat and did a lateral split.. you, know, where both legs are together in front of you.

Next everyone stood up, and needed to line up in rows, and make turns across the floor. At this point I bowed out. I had images of me getting dizzy and knocking some cruel innocent over, or whacking one of them with an arm when I tried to position them right. I am not sure whether bowing out was a better idea because I didn't want to hurt them or because I might have gotten a measure of satisfaction out of it after that cruel warm-up.

Either way... I still love the class. I still feel ridiculous in it, and I am sure I look completely comical, but I will keep going. I will hold my chin up and not let myself feel stupid there. I will forgive Johanna for abandoning me to the mercies of skinny teenagers when she was supposed to be in class this week too. And eventually it will pay off. Eating less, walking everyday, and going to dance class each week has to end up having some positive benefits, even if every muscle in my body is screaming and begging me not to do this to them anymore.

I just hope our teacher shows up on time next week.

2 comments:

Johanna said...

Tee hee hee...so sorry I missed it! No, really, I am. I have been wanting to take a dance class forever, but I'm just never home and couldn't ask my mom to "cover' for me one more night. I am there with you in heart! Don't give up!!

Butterfly Dreamer said...

WHAT NO PICS ?!?!?! Out of all of the posts, this one I really would have enjoyed looking at the pics. :-)

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